andy2000.org | ANDISHEH NOURAEE

* Leave a light on in each room at all times so Santa doesn’t trip, fall, and sue you.

* When you’re not home, keep your pets happy by tuning all the televisions in your home to Animal Planet.

* Bright, outdoor Christmas and Hanukkah displays are an easy way to reassure your neighbors you're not atheist.

* Compact fluorescent bulbs give off a green-ish light that makes you look unattractive and your mate more likely to cheat on you with a more handsomely-lit neighbor.

* On cold nights, leave your windows open a crack to let-in some of that fresh, Christmas air.

* Energy-efficient LED lights contain toxic LED; known to cause brain damage in children.

* 150-watt incandescent light bulbs make a great stocking-stuffer.

For more holiday energy tips, visit GeorgiaPower.com

Labels: energy efficiency, Georgia Power

For news writers, the year-end list is a subtle signal to readers that their publication has early holiday deadlines and they had to hurry up and turn something in.

For critics, it’s often an exercise in hipper-than-thou opacity.

“Wouldn't it be sweet if an album took the prickly psych damage of Black Dice but made it work in the context of epic rock, so that it had the cathartic build of early Mogwai?"

That’s an actual sentence from Pitchfork’s “The 50 Best Albums of 2008” list. And for the record, no it wouldn’t be sweet.

I’ve written two year-end lists.

Read them both and save a puppy's life.

Top Five Best-Named World Leaders of 2008

Five People Who Also Should Have Had Shoes Thrown At Them In 2008

CL columnist and former editor Cliff Bostock has a provocative piece on his blog about the paper's woes:

Another myopic aspect of the discussion is the apparent belief that CL has ignored the changes in journalism. I find this claim staggering. The reason I decided to go back to school for a master’s degree in psychology (and, later, a PhD) was because journalism ceased to be intellectually challenging and fun. I’ve raged about this too much, no doubt, but journalism has been deteriorating at least since 1982 when USA Today began publishing telegram-length news stories and analysis, all gussied up with colorful graphics.

CL has for years been part of that movement. Ken Edelstein managed to build a highly competent staff that has done some great investigative reporting. I think he’s the best editor the paper’s ever had. However, I think it would be wrong to say that CL hasn’t been part of the movement away from the writing of depth that characterized much of alternative media’s original mission.

And Wayne had the pork tenderloin.

Read the rest.

Labels: bankruptcy, Cliff Bostock, Creative Loafing

On November 28, Sunday Paper published a column by John Sugg about Creative Loafing's bankruptcy.

John and I are former employees of Creative Loafing. I still write a weekly column for CL on a freelance basis.

The online version of Sugg's column allows readers to post comments.

A commenter using the pseudonym Lazarus posted a comment containing several false and slanderous personal and professional allegations about my friend and former CL editor Ken Edelstein.

Edelstein flatly denies Lazarus' accusations, adding "I have no idea what 'Lazarus' is talking about."

Several biographical details in Lazarus' letter strongly suggest the author of the comment is Sunday Paper News and Business Editor Stephanie Ramage.

Lazarus claims to be a former CL writer who left the paper in 2001. Ms. Ramage is a former CL writer who left the paper 2001.

Lazarus says (s)he had a less-than-pleasant working relationship with Ken. Ms. Ramage told me the same thing during our only meeting, a lunch last Spring to discuss a story I wrote about Iraqi refugees in Metro Atlanta.

Lazarus claims to be the parent of a young son. Ms. Ramage has a young son.

Lazarus' biography resembles no other person I can recall who has worked in CL's newsroom.

In a lengthy e-mail exchange, I asked her several times directly if she authored the Lazarus comment. Ms. Ramage was evasive, refusing to deny or confirm authorship.

"If I knew who Lazarus was, there still would be no reason to think that information, in your hands, wouldn't be misused," she says. "And what would be the point of that, anyway?"

The point, as she well knows, is that Sunday Paper is a newspaper and Ms. Ramage is the paper's news editor. Newspapers and journalists are bound by a professional code of ethics venerating honesty and transparency.

If she has used her position as an editor at Sunday Paper to launch anonymous personal attacks, and she's violating more professional rules and ethics than I can count.

Reputable news organizations do not permit such behavior. Alongside the more high-minded reasons, such deception undermines the credibility of everything else in the publication.

Ms. Ramage and Sunday Paper management owe the public a clear answer to a simple question: Did Ms. Ramage author a comment to John Sugg's column using the pseudonym Lazarus?From: andy@andy2000.org
To: Stephanie Ramage
Subject: Are you Lazarus?
Date: Tue, 2 Dec 2008 12:38:31 -0500

Dear Stephanie-

Are you the author of the "Lazarus" comment under Sugg's Sunday Paper piece?

Andy

+++++++

From: Stephanie Ramage
Date: December 15, 2008 1:37:01 PM EST
To: andy n
Subject: RE: Are you Lazarus?

Andy,

I honestly didn't see this until now. I almost never check my [Hotmail] account. In the future, you can email me at [Gmail].

Also, I know this is really late notice, but I barely have a minute to breathe (a look at the news section should explain why), so forgive the 11th-hour invite: Our holiday party is this evening at 7 p.m. at the Hard Rock Cafe. If you and yours would like to come by, I'd be glad to see you. -- Very best, Steph

+++++++

On Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 2:06 PM, Andisheh Nouraee wrote:

Stephanie-

Thanks for the invitation. We're busy. Christmas shopping beckons.

So, are you Lazarus?

Andy

+++++++

On Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 2:44 PM, Stephanie Ramage wrote:

My shopping is almost done--there are only so many gnomes I can buy.

I'm sorry you can't make it. Apparently Patrick invited Ken, so it's not like you wouldn't know anyone. Of course, it might be kind of awkward for me. -- Steph

+++++++

From: Stephanie Ramage
Subject: Re: Are you Lazarus?
Date: December 15, 2008 2:53:46 PM EST
To: andy@andy2000.org

Are you "Max Power"?

+++++++

On Dec 15, 2008, at 3:07 PM, Andisheh Nouraee wrote:

I'm not even sure what your question is referring to.

I use my full name when I comment, if that's what you're referring to.

+++++++

From: Stephanie Ramage
Subject: what would be the point?
Date: December 15, 2008 3:53:59 PM EST
To: andy@andy2000.org

If we talk about Max or Lazarus or any of this other distracting but ultimately unsatisfying stuff, why should I trust you? If I knew who Lazarus was, there still would be no reason to think that information, in your hands, wouldn't be misused. And what would be the point of that, anyway? 2001 was nearly a decade ago.

+++++++

On Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 4:10 PM, Andisheh Nouraee wrote:

There's a comment under Sugg's recent Sunday Paper column attributed to "Lazarus."

All I'm asking is this: did you write the comment?

Based on the details revealed in the comment, it sounds like you wrote it. Instead of assuming, I'm asking.

+++++++

On Dec 15, 2008, at 4:16 PM, Stephanie Ramage wrote:

Well, that's a good reporterly instinct, and I'm declining to comment.

Someone calling himself Max Powers and identifying himself as a former Loaf employee emailed me about my experience working with and for Ken. Was that you?

+++++++

From: Stephanie Ramage
Subject: do you still work for the Loaf?
Date: December 15, 2008 4:46:03 PM EST
To: andy@andy2000.org

Are you freelancing for them? Is this for a story or follow-up? (God help the poor, bored readers--I can't imagine they'd be interested.)

+++++++

On Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 5:04 PM, Andisheh Nouraee wrote:

Why not just admit you wrote the Lazarus comment? In this instance, "declining to comment" is a clear admission, too.

I already answered your "Max" question in a previous e-mail, but I'll answer it again.

No. I didn't e-mail you using the name Max or any other pseudonym. I use my real name when I e-mail people. I also use my real name when I leave blog comments.

If someone named "Max" is writing to you and calling herself/himself a former CL staffer, it might be Max Pizarro (sp?). He was a CL staffer for a few months. I believe he left in early 2007. I have neither spoken to him nor communicated with him in any way since he left, so I'm only guessing.

+++++++

On Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 5:11 PM, Andisheh Nouraee wrote:

I write my weekly Don't Panic column for CL on a freelance basis.

+++++++

On Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 5:28 PM, Stephanie Ramage wrote:

Declining to comment is not an admission, as any reporter knows.

Jarrett has declined to comment on the Blagojevich affair, but that certainly doesn't mean she's guilty of anything. People sometimes decline to comment because they don't want to get dragged into a news story that they feel has nothing to do with them.

I've never talked to Max Pizarro and wouldn't know him if I saw him. In fact, until you said the name, I couldn't remember there ever having been a Max at the Loaf and I see no reason to think this Max is that Max.

Why does what Lazarus wrote matter to you?

And whoever Lazarus is, why should that person admit anything? Have you asked "Mr. T" to reveal himself?

Andy, you never said that this was for an article or column or blog or anything else. In fact, I asked you whether you were still working for the Loaf (freelancing or otherwise) and you haven't answered. My invite was in good faith. I would hope that you would be professional enough to say whether you're asking me questions for a story or column or blog, etc. Please be the decent person I hope you are and keep our emails between us.

-- Very best, Steph

+++++++

From: Stephanie Ramage
Subject: Re: do you still work for the Loaf?
Date: December 15, 2008 5:31:59 PM EST
To: andy@andy2000.org

So, what was this line of questioning for?

+++++++

From: Stephanie Ramage
Subject: Re: what would be the point?
Date: December 15, 2008 5:35:02 PM EST
To: andy@andy2000.org

Furthermore, as you know, I use my real name on blog comments.

++++++

On Dec 15, 2008, at 5:55 PM, Andisheh Nouraee wrote:

I asked you because I wanted to know.

Labels: J. Patrick Best, Lazarus, Stephanie Ramage, Sunday Paper

Lashkar-e-Taiba sounds like the name of a perky, South Asian ice-dancing duo. “Taiba’s triple lutz was the crowd pleaser, but it was Lashkar’s flawless camel spin that really wowed the judges.”

But don’t let the cute moniker fool you. Lashkar-e-Taiba is a terrorist group headquartered in Pakistan. It’s a very, very, (very!) dangerous organization.

Audience shouts: “How dangerous is it?

It’s soooo dangerous, when she steps on a talking scale, the scale says “ouch.”

I’m sorry. That’s how fat your mama is.

Lashkar-e-Taiba is soooo dangerous, it very nearly started a nuclear war.

(Read the rest)

Labels: India, Kashmir, Lashkar-e-Taiba, Mumbai attacks, Pakistan, terrorism

Don't Panic, my weekly humor column about world affairs, was picked up by South Carolina's Columbia City Paper last week.

I have resigned my senior writer position at Creative Loafing effective December 5.

It's likely I will continue to write my Don't Panic column for CL and others. I'm still discussing the details with the paper.

For December and most of January, I plan to focus my energy on the book I'm writing with Jodi Anderson and Daniel Ehrenhaft.

They've been very supportive and patient with me while I've dealt with work-related stress and put aside the book to have a wedding and honeymoon. I owe our project my focus for a while. The book is scheduled to be published in early 2010.

My other project at the moment is a Don't Panic-style blog — a daily compendium of international news, commentary, my crappy Photoshopping, a podcast, and, I hope, animation and video.

I've had two opportunities to turn Don't Panic into an animated series. One was a bad offer that I turned down. The other, was a good offer I squandered through inattention. I'm hoping a third attempt will succeed -- if not financially, then at least creatively.

I'm thinking of calling the site Turban Legend for no other reasons than the name makes me laugh and I already have an illustration of myself in a turban.

Marley the cat went missing from my friend's home in Little Five Points this week.

Please share this photo with people who live near L5P. If you know where Marley might be, please call 404-751-8884.

We just got photos from our wedding photographer, Stacey Bode.

Wa-wa-wee-wa, they're fantastic. We can't stop looking.

We have a gazillion photos from our wedding and all the fun wedding-related activities that preceded and followed it.

We are collecting as many photos as we can on Flickr. You can find them by clicking here.

Our wedding photographer, Stacey Bode, has posted a handful of her photos on her blog (here and here).

She also made a beautiful slideshow that I can barely get through without tearing up -- in a good way.

My friend Dr. Matthew Metz was recently profiled by the CBS station in Denver.

Matt is one of a handful of doctors in the country capable of performing a just-approved incisionless abdominal procedure.

Them Commies get anywhere near Decatur and there's gonna be a pile of dead Ivans in front of the Taqueria Del Sol tonight.

Wolverines!

For this week's Creative Loafing cover story, I openly carried guns into restaurants, stores, parks, and even MARTA, just to see what would happen.

Imagine if someone with a firearms license walked onto a MARTA train with a shotgun. He couldn't be arrested, even though someone can be ticketed for eating on a train.

"So I just want to be clear," I asked MARTA police Chief Wanda Dunham. "If I had a turkey sandwich in one hand and a gun in the other hand, MARTA police would ticket me for the turkey sandwich?"

"If you're eating it," she replied. "Only if you're eating it."

Someone with a permit can board a MARTA train with a shotgun?

"That's what the law says," she replied. Then, with sarcasm, she adds, "It just gives you that warm fuzzy feeling."

My only regret about the story: the book that's visible in the photo is "Feng Shui For Dummies." At the bottom of the pile is a much more photo-appropriate book, "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Getting Magazine Articles Published."

The photos in the story are by Joeff Davis.

My SuperFriend™ Dr. Matthew Metz was on the front page of the Denver Post yesterday.

In the nine months Dr. Matthew Metz has been with the Colorado Bariatric Surgery Institute, he has repaired eight gastric-band surgeries done in Mexico, including J.'s.

They even ran a big pic of him.



I keep telling him to wear more flattering outfits, but he never listens.

Click the image for an explanation.

In the past year, Osama bin Laden and his loyal cavemate Ayman al-Zawahiri (the Smithers of jihadi terrorism) have swamped my al-Netfliqs queue with at least 19 audio and video missives between them.

(Read more)